Monday, December 10, 2012
First Defection from Harper Inner Cabinet
An unidentified member of Steve Harper's inner cabinet has apparently defected. The partly trained monkey was found wandering aimlessly around a Toronto IKEA store on the weekend.
Authorities were able to confirm it was a senior cabinet minister on the run by the standard winter coat issued to Harper ministers and its heavily soiled diaper.
The identity of which cabinet minister this might be remains unknown. On the rare occasions when these ministers have been known to speak, they all sound exactly like Steve Harper.
Investigators are now trying to discern which minister they have safely back in its cage. They had thought it was likely Joe Oliver but he's been accounted for in Ottawa. They next suspected it was industry minister, Christian Paradis, but quickly realized the monkey was far too bright to be Mr. Paradis. Peter MacKay was ruled out by the fact that the monkey wasn't playing with the poo in its diaper. The prime minister has had a look but says he can't tell them apart either. They're all trained chimps to him.
The investigation continues.