The Stupidest Man in Canada

And the winner is... Alberta premier Ed "Special Ed" Stelmach.

Only a man utterly bereft of a scintilla of intellect could fly to Washington, have a special audience with Cardinal His Holiness Cheney, and emerge, his clothes in disarray to announce that Alberta can rest assured, America won't turn off Atabasca's Tar Sands tap.

Gee Ed, are you sure? You got that in writing? Remember to give Dick a "happy ending?"

"We are the No. 1 gas supplier and soon to be the No. 1 oil supplier," Stelmach told the Calgary Herald.

"There's a long-term future not only in supply of oil and natural gas, but I am of the strong opinion there is a long-term future in us supplying the research and the technology that Americans will be looking to our expertise in terms of extracting oil out of shale in the United States."

Hey Ed, word to the wise. Next time you head south for assurances, try to pick someone who's not the most reviled man in his own country and make sure you're talking to someone whose days in office aren't a toss up between a wall calendar and a chronically diseased cardiovascular system. Cheney's toast pal, someone at home should've told you that. In just twelve months the crews will descend, toss every remaining trace of Dick into a hazmat bag, and haul it all off in the middle of a very dark night to a Homeland Security incinerator in Jersey. Don't worry Ed, they'll probably burn the polaroids too.