Dear George

Dear George:

Your friends called today and asked me to speak to you, sort of a one man intervention if you like.

The trouble, George, is that you're a dummy, a moron. You just can't resist your compulsion to screw with things until they break, can you?

You screwed around with Iraq - broke it. You screwed around with Afghanistan - broke it. You screwed around with your army. Broke that too. You screwed around with your economy and, guess what? You broke it. You screwed around with Social Security but you were stopped in time although you almost broke it too.

You screwed around with NATO and, if it's not already broken, it's damned close. You idiot.

NATO, it's an "alliance" George, not your goddamned Foreign Legion. An alliance depends on mutual commitments, George. Mutual covenants forged from mutual interests.

You screwed with NATO until it became bloated and almost meaningless. It's got 26-members now. Can you name all of them, George? Of course you can't. And you want to shove Ukraine and Georgia into the bag before you're done.

Here's an idea, dummy. A mutual defence alliance has to be made up of nations that are actually willing to defend each other. That little prerequisite defines the territorial limits of NATO. That limit ended somewhere in Central Europe, say Poland, Hungary and the Czech Republic. Beyond that, who cares? Here are a few pointers from today's Guardian you should think about:

"The new Nato states in the Baltics and central Europe are not, unlike the US or Britain, preoccupied with terrorism, Afghanistan, or Iran's nuclear potential. Their bugbear is the Kremlin. The Czechs and the Poles have agreed to host the Pentagon's missile defence system not because they worry about Iranian missiles, but because they feel more secure by having US troops permanently on their soil for the first time.

...The Nato-led coalition's lack of success in Afghanistan has exposed divisions caused recriminations, with Germany bearing the brunt of the criticism for its reluctance to put its forces on the frontlines.

Germany has also been central to the Georgia crisis, highlighting the limits of Nato's policies towards Russia and its post-cold war policy of expanding into the countries around Russia's rim.

In a report on the Georgia crisis to be released on Monday, the European Council on Foreign Relations says: "Moscow is well aware that few Nato members want to extend a mutual security guarantee to a country at war with Europe's biggest neighbour."

This cuts to Nato's policy flaw. "The main question is, are you willing to go to war for Tbilisi? I think the answer is no," said the EU official."

Let's be honest, George. This expansion into the Balkans and Caucasus is all about expanding your nation's sphere of influence into these regions. This is the expansion of America's sphere of influence right up to Russia's doorstep. This isn't about NATO, the Alliance is only America's beard on this one. You're just using NATO to legitimize your neo-conservative policy agenda.

"Are you willing to go to war for Tbilisi?" The question answers itself and in that answer lies the stupidity of expanding a supposed, mutual defence Alliance to Russia's borders. You want to put American forces in Tbilisi, George? Who's stopping you? Go ahead, just don't try to cloak it as a NATO initiative when it's yours, all yours.

I remember another George Bush, the one who led a legitimate coalition to liberate Kuwait from Iraqi occupation. I remember how, after the guns fell silent, that other George Bush stood up and proclaimed the advent of a "new world order." That guy must be in tears by now. You screwed with that new world order, George - and you broke it. Idiot.

George, you've only got a few months left to go, so why don't you just back off. Send Condi home, give her the rest of the term off. Ditto for Dick. Hell he's going to need the few months that are left just to burn records and documents, maybe go "hunting" with a few people who know too much. But whatever you do, just leave NATO alone, George. There's a chance, slim though it may be, that NATO might survive once you're gone.