The Week God's Had

From The Tweet of God:

America, you were settled by the extermination of one race and the enslavement of another.  But please, lecture us more about freedom.

Hot flashes.  Increased irritability.  Dryness.  Congratulations, humanity, you've given the Earth menopause.

It's the total lack of self-awareness that separates the professional asshole from the amateur.

If, while arguing, you are able to cite a verse in a chapter of an old book that seems to support your position, then you win.

For the last time, mankind, I don't need your help killing people.

Don't let anyone tell you what you can't accomplish.  That's what self-doubt is for.

Pope Francis is either the world's coolest Pope or the world's most conservative hippie.

Mass shootings are a small price to pay for the freedom to carry out mass shootings.

If reality clashes with your belief, then the problem clearly is reality.

Almost nobody gets what they deserve, and almost everybody should be grateful for that.

If you think life has a point, you're missing the point.

"Working in mysterious ways" is functionally indistinguishable from "fucking up."