Today is, of course, the 5th anniversary of the terrorists attacks of 11 September, 2001. Every newspaper, every television network, every politician will be taking the opportunity today to exploit this tragedy. They'll try to make you sad, they'll try to rekindle your outrage, they'll try to get you to vote Republican or Conservative.
I'm not going to attempt to pay tribute to the nearly 3,000 who lost their lives that awful day. I didn't know any of them although I'm sure a lot of them were very fine people. In a world in which 30,000 children die needlessly each day, paying tribute doesn't seem to mean much. In case you're into math, that's 54 million kids since 9/11/01.
I want to mark this anniversary a bit differently. I think it's time for a bit of humour, time to take a few shots at those whores who have shamelessly exploited 9/11 to their personal benefit. Below you'll find a joke, a few satirical images and, the funniest bits of all, their actual quotes. I hope this lifts you out of your 9/11 blues.
Let's start with a joke:
How Many Members of the Bush Administration are Needed to Change a Light Bulb?
1. One to deny that the light bulb needs to be changed
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be canged
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb
4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for darkness.
5. One to give a billion-dollar, no-bid contract to Haliburton for the new light bulb
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing atop a step ladder under a banner that reads "Light Bulb Change Accomplished"
7. One insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was actually in the dark all along
8. One to viciously smear #7
9. One to go on right-wing talk shows to claim George Bush had a strong light bulb changing policy all along
10. One to confuse the American people about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.
courtesy of The Heretik
And now the Cast of Shameless Exploiters
1. Condoleeza Rice - White House Wizard
Condi giving the "Hairy Eyeball" to a Disbeliever
Condi in a moment of pure gaiety
Condi testifies about George's 'problem'
Classic Condi Quotes:
- "The problem is that there will always be some uncertainty about how quickly Saddam can acquire nuclear weapons. But we don't want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud.
- "We need a common enemy to unite us.
- "I believe the title was 'Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States'
- "The United States is committed to helping Iraq recover from the conflict, but Iraq will not require sustained aid.
- "High quality aluminum tubes that are only really suited for nuclear weapons programs, centrifuge programs. ...We don't want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud."
2. Donald Rumsfeld, America's Minister of Death
How many more wars? This many.
Once again Donnie loses at 'Simon Says'
Rummie talks to reporters about George's 'Problem'
Rummie shows troops his new salute
Rummies' Ruminations
- "We do know of certain knowledge that he [bin Laden] is either in Afghanistan, or some other country, or he's dead
- "We know where they are. They're in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south and north somewhat [on the location of Saddam's WMDs]
- "Freedom's untidy and free people are free to make mistakes and commit crimes and do bad things. ...Stuff happens.
- "Needless to say, the President is correct. Whatever it was he said.
- "It is unknowable how long that conflict will last. It could last six days, six weeks. I doubt six months."
3. The Master of Evil - Dick Cheney
In Haliburton CEO Uniform
Damn, this feels good!
Dick Tells Limbaugh about George's 'Problem'
Fun Words from the Dickster
- "WE know he's been absolutely devoted to trying to acquire nuclear weapons and we believe he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons
- "In Iraq, a ruthless dictator cultivated weapons of mass destruction and the means to deliver them
- "My belief is we will, in fact, be greeted as liberators
- "He gave support to terrorists, had an established relationship with al-Qaeda, and his regime is no more
- "I think they're in the last throes, if you will, of the insurgecy
- "Conservation may be a sign of personal virtue but it is not a sufficient basis for a sound, comprehensive energy policy
- "Except for the occasional heart attack, I never felt better."
4. The Decider - George Walker Bush
Never Too Old to Learn
Sure, I know, I know - the guy's married with kids and everything. I'm just sayin:
Decidedly Nutty Quotes from The Decider
- "It's totally wiped out ...It's devastating, it's gotta be doubly devastating on the ground [Bush on viewing Katrina damage from Air Force 1]
- "You work three jobs? ...Uniquely American isn't it? I mean, that it is fantastic you're doing that [to a divorced mother of three]
- "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test
- "The War on Terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself
- "I couldn't imagine someone like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah
- "I'm also not very analytical. I don't spend a lot of time thinking about myself, about why I do things."
It's sometimes hard to grasp how The Decider got to be this way, until you look at what was lurking in the shallow end of the gene pool:
Dick Tells Limbaugh about George's 'Problem' 
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