Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Hillary Wins W. Virginia in a Landslide!

Well maybe it was more like a mudslide or one of those mine collapses. There's no question that Senator Clinton handily defeated Barack Obama by a 2-1 margin but (and there's always a "but") it was West Virginia! That's about as big a deal as, well, not very much.

West Virginia has 28 delegates. That's it, 28. Maryland has 70, Missouri 72, and California 370. That's why to someone trailing in the final weeks of a campaign, triumph in the least literate state in the union has to be taken out of all proportion.

Dana Milbank had a fun piece in today's Washington Post in which he compared what remains of the Clinton campaign to Monty Python's "dead parrot" sketch.

"...Clinton has crossed the Blue Ridge and is over the green hills of West Virginia, home of what she calls the "hardworking Americans, white Americans." This is Clinton Country.

2:57 p.m., Yeager Airport, Charleston, W.Va.: A steep descent brings Clinton's plane to Charleston's hilltop airport. After an appropriate wait, she steps from the plane and pretends to wave to a crowd of supporters; in fact, she is waving to 10 photographers underneath the airplane's wing. She pretends to spot an old friend in the crowd, points and gives another wave; in fact, she is waving at an aide she had been talking with on the plane minutes earlier.

Customer: "That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk."

Pet-shop owner: "Well, he's, he's, ah, probably pining for the fjords."

Customer: "He's not pining! He's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet his maker! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! . . . His metabolic processes are now history! He's off the twig! He's kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off his mortal coil, rung down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisible! This is an ex-parrot!"

At the convention centre, a crowd of 89-supporters has gathered to celebrate Hillary's victory:

"There are some who wanted to cut this race short!" Clinton says from the faux-wood lectern. They boo.

"I am more determined than ever to carry on this campaign," she says. They cheer.
"There are many who wanted to declare a nominee before the ballots were counted or even cast," she says. They boo.

"This race isn't over yet," she says. They cheer.

The sound system emits a loud screech of feedback. The confetti cannons fire.
See? She wasn't dead; she was just pining for the fjords.

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