Monday, December 19, 2011
Dear North Korea. Sorry For Your Loss. Maybe We Can Help.
Don't fret. There is a sure-fire, no-risk solution to your dilemma. Canada has just the guy to meet your every need. Say the word and he's yours.
Our guy has six years of on the job training in despotism. He's got everything you could dream of - in spades. He's grandiose. He is secretive and a born manipulator. He truly understands the power and majesty of fear. He's a thoroughly nasty shit with a volatile temper but he never shows a trace of that in public. He's power crazed and yearns to transform any nation in his own image. He's an ardent believer in absolute, one-man rule. He won't reform your economy. In fact he'll be too busy staring at himself in a mirror, arranging his hair that he won't even notice that your economy exists.
Best of all, our guy is, well, pudgy. Maybe not quite to the scale you're accustomed to but, don't fear, he can pork out in a heartbeat. And, well, perhaps he's a bit on the tall side compared to those he'd replace but we can assure you that, inside, he's really, really small. And did we mention shallow?
So think about that and get back to us. But wait, there's more. Order within the next 48-hours and the shipping's on us.