Wednesday, November 09, 2016

A Tongue-in-Cheek TrumpLashing

Thanks to The Tyee for a little levity from its American-born culture scribe, Steve Burgess.

Dear Stunned,

Donald Trump is the president-elect of the United States. That is a sentence that should only exist in the Book of Revelations.

...How bad could a Trump presidency get? That depends on the answer to a philosophical question: What are the limits of bad? Is there a Platonic ideal of badness?

We may soon see. Trump has promised to make America great again, and there is indeed greatness to be found in America’s past. The Great Depression comes to mind. We may be entering another such era momentous enough to require its own historical name, like the Black Plague, the Terror, or the Cultural Revolution. The candidate of the Ku Klux Klan, the man who said climate change is a Chinese conspiracy, the birther/wall builder/Muslim-banner who “loves the poorly educated,” the scam artist behind Trump University, the Pussy-Grabber-in-Chief, has won the presidency with the support of almost half of the American voters. Let’s have a naming contest for that event. Something involving the word “great.”

...What does it mean for Canada? Our relationship with America is forever changed. Americans put Donald Trump in the White House. You can’t overlook that. It’s like finding out that an old friend has a Pepe the Frog tattoo, or accidentally walking in on someone watching Santa Claus porn. Things can never again be the same between you.

We may not be in Hell, but we’re next door. At the very least we can expect plenty of flying embers. For what it’s worth, I expect Justin Trudeau is about to become an even bigger global celebrity. People will be desperate for heroes.

The most powerful nation in the world has proven that it is truly capable of anything. What do we do now, Stunned? I’m not sure. But then, I don’t drink.


UU4077 said...

'Let’s have a naming contest for that event. Something involving the word “great.”'

How about "The Great Egress" as Trump has promised to exit from every international agreement the US has made?

rumleyfips said...

Moving some economic ties away from the US and to Europe, Eurasia, and South America may be a positive from Trumpaloonie. Ne partners with reasonable trade policies are what Canada needs.

The Mound of Sound said...

The Great Egress is what Trump has promised. What he'll deliver is another matter.

The Mound of Sound said...

Rumley, I think you're right. Trudeau has to act to define Canada as something other than Washington's handmaiden. We have too long outsourced so much of our policy - military, economic, geopolitical, even trade - to the U.S., riding in Washington's shadow. Trudeau needs to rein that in and begin forging policy reflecting our values, not Trump's.

John B. said...

Trudeau has likely already been advised on the cautions he should take when he uses Trump's erratic pronouncements as another opportunity to conflate criticism of "trade" deals with xenophobia and to portray the critics as an isolationist threat to Canada's Post-National future.

The Mound of Sound said...

Very interesting take, John. Thanks.

Ken Barry said...

Trump will grab Trudeau by the pussy and bend him over. He won't know what happened until his puppet masters start running for the exit.