Hiding Donald Trump

I know this quaint crofter's cottage up on Culloden moor.  That should do in a pinch.

Theresa May is scrambling for venues to keep the Mango Mussolini from boiling over when he visits Britain next week.  Brits are expected to demonstrate en masse and they're prepared to embarrass the hell out of the world's biggest narcissist.  That means May needs to get Trump in and the hell out of London just as quickly as possible.

Trump, who is to meet Theresa May and the Queen among others before spending two days in Scotland, will only spend the night in London on Thursday, the day of his arrival, staying at the US ambassador’s official residence in Regent’s Park, Winfield House.

Before that he will attend a gala dinner at Blenheim Palace in Oxfordshire, and the following day he will hold talks with the prime minister at her Chequers country retreat in Buckinghamshire. Both are places where protesters can be kept out of sight and earshot. 

Later on Friday he will meet the Queen at Windsor Castle before heading to Scotland for the weekend. Details as to what he will do in Scotland will be released next week. 

Activists have promised to stage protests against Trump throughout his visit, with an event planned for London on Friday expected to be the biggest. 

While he is in the capital, a giant “Trump baby” balloon, caricaturing him as a nappy-wearing infant, will be flown in the sky over Westminster after the Greater London Authority (GLA) gave the creators permission to do so.

It was supposed to be a state visit, the sort of honour given important heads of state. That would have meant the Queen having to host Trump and wife at Buckingham Palace. It's rumoured that the ordinarily cooperative Queen instead invoked the "I'm way too old for that shit" protocol.