Tuesday, October 27, 2015

It'll Never Fly




A glance at the morning headlines found several items asking if Canada should have a "Stephen J. Harper International Airport."  Sure, why not.

A short runway, maybe 1,800 feet all in, made up of broken concrete and asphalt to resemble the decay in our other national infrastructure. For overshoot protection, an emergency bitumen tailing pond shall be constructed at either end. Completely deregulated. No approach aids, no ILS, nothing. You're on your own at Harper International. There will be a tower. It will be unstaffed in the style of west coast Coast Guard facilities.

No terminal, no skyways. Arriving passengers will use emergency evacuation chutes and proceed to stand beneath the hold to catch their luggage. Those wishing to avoid full cavity search security will have twelve minutes to exit the airport perimeter fence.

In keeping with the theme of Harper International, there will be no access roads to the airport. That would be too much of a concession to vision. Access to the nearest town will be by foot along a pipeline trail.

As you can tell, I haven't fully thought this through. Your turn. What do you think would be fitting for Harper International?


20 comments:

Anonymous said...

Few things would make me happier than seeing Harper International. We don't name airports after living people.

Dana said...

The no fly list should include everyone who walks thru the doors.

The Mound of Sound said...

Excellent observation, Anon.

Dana, there will be no doors.

lungta said...

could it be built cool hand luke ditch style
by ex-harper convicts
after the treason trials?

Anonymous said...

It would need a fitting airport code. How about "YUK"?

deb Scott said...

it will require alot of manpower, you know with tanks, military gunmen and snipers:P

Anonymous said...

Coming from the same mainstream media hacks, I'm not surprised, but hopefully this never 'flies'.
Of course, an insane asylum or swamp named after Herr Harper might be a fitting tribute.

Scotian said...

And of course we need not to offfend our Arab friends, as you get SHIA from Stephen Harper International Airport, so in the spirit of good will and accuracy we need to call it Stephen Harper International Terminal. That acronym fits far better IMHO.

Lulymay said...

Love it! and that good old dry Canadian sense of humour. Problem is all this would just fly over the head of Harper, the one with absolutely no sense of humour. Gawd, his personal life must be soooo boring.

rww said...

@Anonymous - swamps are wonderful places please do not associate one with Harper, besides he'd want to fill it in

Pamela Mac Neil said...

Harper singing beatle songs, constantly played over the loudspeaker.

Dana said...

Bring your own pilot.

Ben Burd said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ben Burd said...

The day we put the Lester B back on the board at yyz aka "Pearson International" I'll think about naming another airport.

Latte swilling West Coaster said...

Well I have a better idea for his name, we are working on sewage treatment plants on Vancouver Island and we could name one after Harper, he should feel right at home circling the drain watching his career get the proverbial flush.

Steve said...

Not only an airport, an airline. The Brand is built around the flight attentants. First one already hired.
https://twitter.com/ficklesonance/status/658844391289835521

karen said...

Or you could sign this petition instead.

Anonymous said...

Anyong said: Where a person was born is where a person is from. It is really humorous to know Albertans consider people who have moved into the province as "transients" except for Mr. Harper of course. Wouldn't it be more accurate to name a street after him? Let's say "Harper's Way"?

Anonymous said...

Anyong said: Since we know this, why would Canadians want an airport named after him.


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AniO said...

Actually, I think the fact that you have not thought this through completely is very appropriate.