Monday, October 27, 2008

A Message to the Grand Old Party

My dear Republicans.

When this is over it would be a good time to clean house. Time for the grownups to take back the Grand Old Party. It's supposed to be a conservative party in what may just be the most conservative country in the industrialized world. Conservative, as in conserve, as in preserve.

First things first. From now on, "political freak of nature" won't be an acceptable credential for high office. You've had Bush II, you've had Sarah Palin, you've had it. What have you got, 60, maybe 80-million citizens who consider themselves Republican? They're not all bozos, they're not all incurious, they're not all rabid ideologues.

You really have to stop pissing in the gene pool. Your anti-intellectualism, this absolute phobia about "elites," is transforming Republican leadership into a carnival sideshow. You don't have to scrape the bottom of the barrel to find genuine, patriotic Americans.

Being well-educated, well-informed and highly accomplished shouldn't blacklist a person from the top spots. Understand that your party needs a leader who doesn't bite when some swindler tells him that deficits don't matter or who isn't gullible enough to believe that you can topple a dictator and be in and out in under 90-days at a cost of less than $60-billion. You need a leader who understands that the only thing worse than 'tax and spend' politics is 'spend and borrow' politics.

Speaking of taxes, try to find a leader who understands what taxes mean to effective government. Maybe you can find one who grasps what Oliver Wendell Holmes meant when he said, "I like to pay taxes. With them I buy civilization." There must be someone on the GOP shortlist who recognizes that governments need to spend on some things but shouldn't spend on others like endless wars of whim, especially when they're spending borrowed money.

Above all else, find someone who doesn't absolutely cleave to the mysticism of the American myth. Being the first at something is great but it doesn't permanently endow you with exceptionalism. Go for reality, it won't bite. And for Christ's sake get religion out of government.

So run along now, you've got some cleaning to do and some trash to take out. Actually, you've got a lot of trash to take out.

No comments: