Tuesday, July 16, 2013

God's Tweets with a Shoutout for Trayvon

I just finished hacking into God's twitter account.   Here's a sampling of what's on his mind and, if you're some guy named Zimmerman, you might want to skip this:

I don't recall Native Americans being urged to 'stand their ground.'

To believe in the Bible it helps not to read it.

You do know you're destroying your only home, right?  Like, not abstractly.  For reals.

My password for the universe is 1234.

Imagine if your boss had a son and as long as you hung out with him you could treat people in the office like shit and never lose your job.

Even I think Zimmerman is guilty, and I'm an old white guy.

I have never been more ashamed of making Florida the model for the human penis.

Injustice is the fabric holding the universe together.

It's always the people who believe in divine judgment who deserve it the most.

No matter what the verdict in the Zimmerman trial, he's already guilty of one thing:  murder.

The least developed form of man is Homo Phobicus.

The most "traditional American values" include respecting the land, living in tents, anhd using every part of the buffalo.

Paranoia can be a rewarding alternative to accepting the fact nobody cares about you.


Kim said...

Lol, God is my friend on facebook, he's really alot more grounded in reality than I thought. Way better than Morgan Freeman or George Burns.

theo said...

Religion - such a useful aspect of a modern technological society. So glad we can hack into sky fairies’ Tweet accounts.

Oh wait, that is just sarcasm? But that must mean God is a figment of our imaginations. Oh dear...

Anonymous said...

god is simply dog spelled backwards? are you losing your grip old man? from one to another we know religion and god are man made poisons to distract from the reality that we are in fact a handful of earth and mostly water. I think I'll live backwards now for a spell which means be evil ie live spelled backwards. How did we as society get so clueless? we were confused with the tower of babel and lawyers have kept us in the dark ever since.

Anonymous said...

I've been following God on twitter since you first posted the link, MoS. (Actually, for alot longer...) God's the only One I do follow on twitter. He also says "Texas needs to be messed with" which I found to be hilariously true.