Saturday, March 26, 2016

Teach Your Children Well

Every parent should teach their teenage children a few steps to take if and when they experience an abusive incident.

It should go without saying that the first priority is to get out of the situation.

The next step, one that's routinely overlooked, is for that person to just sit down with pen and paper and put the entire sequence of events in writing, dated and signed. The nature of the abuse - time, place, who was present, what actually transpired etc. in detail - and any events that immediately preceded the incident. There's no need to record emotions. The individual could be too traumatized or confused to make sense of them in the immediate aftermath. That can be left for a day or two.

Eventually more details of the events of days and weeks leading up to the abusive incident can be added along with a better expression of the emotional toll - fear, love, hate, self-doubt, everything.

I question whether if Ghomeshi's victim had picked up her note the following morning and read "then he punched me in the head three times" she would have remained under any delusion that this was some expression of affection. "He punched me in the head three times" brings a certain clarity to the incident.

Whether the victim has been punched, raped, or defrauded - a contemporaneous written statement is invaluable both for the victim to understand what actually happened and for those who later help.

Teach your children.

1 comment:

the salamander said...

.. excellent ..

Extract yourself from danger.. violence.. the unknown .. threat.. the confusions.. or unstable or disturbing situation..
Your 2nd directive? Also excellent! Its part of trying to figure out what the hell happened..
or make sense of that.. if that's even possible..
But in some cases.. the 2nd directive should be to meet the closest desk sergeant - nearest police station or proceed directly to a hospital & emergency room, for help..

I've read all of your articles.. all of Kirby's.. all of Simon's, Lorne's etc
and many many others of course - male female gay uncertain legal ignorant.. even despicable rants..

Ghomeshi dropped like a 5000 bomb from the heavenly fuzzy pink cloud of CBC adoration nirvana .. He's a different flavor - kind of like Stephen Harper is different.. or Donald Trump.. or Bill Cosby.. There's a social predator aspect - and a psychopathy - these types confuse most people.

I guess my point - to both you & Kirby - neither of whom need a lecture btw .. is that sometimes, a disaster like Ghomeshi serves a wonderful service to society... to victims or volunteers alike. (or observers) Ghomeshi's were both it seems - victims & volunteers ! But we all need to be reminded that there are predators among us. Despicable creepy devious 'success stories' among us.. some of whom will move on from lighting cats on fire, burning people's mail or blowing up frogs with firecrackers.. to ah .. other things.. They could be military officers, drug dealers, politicians, priests, hockey coaches.. even doctors.. even parents ..

By the time the crime gets to court.. its too late.. That's the moral of the Ghomeshi tale of woe.. When you have $ 250,000.00 in your personal funds to beat down victims, volunteers & the legal system like Cosby or Ghomeshi seem to have.. and a dazed confused cadre or 'base' of defenders & the ignorant.. Well.. you can get away with damn near anything !